So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
