He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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