Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
