Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
