I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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