I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
