she looked like the before picture.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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