Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
