So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
