whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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