i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
We are all done wearing pants today
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
