My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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