Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
