the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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