thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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