Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
