I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
We had sex on a dog bed..
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
