Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Randomize
