i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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