new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
