Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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