he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
