Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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