It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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