last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
