This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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