When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
