Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
what day is it and did you see me today?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
