he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Houston, we have a squirter
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
