how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
