i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
