If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
