i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
