laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
