Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
