I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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