I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
