Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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