u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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