I cannot find my penis.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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