it's too hot outside to masturbate.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
