best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
