I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
