He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
