and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
It's blow job season.
He better not be in your backpack
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
