He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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