if you like me you must not know who I am
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
