bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
True strength comes from lack of pants
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
