The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize
