Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
