i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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