yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
