he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I wish there were birth control emojis
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
