I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
My legs feel like baby dolphins
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