call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
