Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
